So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
