a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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