we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
