I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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