Will you blow on my dice?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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