its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
