captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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