The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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