I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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