So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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