You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
