We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
