I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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