My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
