If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
