He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
