We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
