omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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