Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
