I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
