Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're like the curious george of whores
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
