Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
