My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
