Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
