I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
