He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I love you.
Bad choice
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