Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
