I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
