Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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