Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
