omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
