I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
