everyone is single if you try hard enough
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
