i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
