I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
