census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
