I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
false alarm. still invincible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
