I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
