She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
