i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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