New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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