Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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