there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
