i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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