just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We need to get me chipped asap
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