Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
