Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
