Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
