Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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