the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
