I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
