hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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