there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
