guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
