Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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