Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
